I've always felt uncomfortable with lying. I really detest the fakes-ness of it, like we are all on a stage, acting with someone else deciding what you do and say. Seems kinda boring and rather useless
Anyway, to the topic:
There's a great article over at Lifehacker discussing how to help someone who is sad. Everyone seems to think saying "Oh, it'll be alright." in a soothing voice is helpful. When I feel sad and someone says that to me, I feel a bit like punching them i the face.
Instead of trying to resolve the issue, just acknowledging that you can see they are sad, and maybe offering to spend time with them can do a lot more. It always seems placating when someone says it'll be alright. "Yeah, not what I said. Let's look at how it is right now again." I know the intention is good, otherwise they would have just looked at me, sneered and walked away.
From the original Psychology Today article:
"Experts say that denying bad feelings intensifies them; acknowledging bad feelings allows good feelings to return. That sure seemed to be what happened. Also, on my side, it's much more pleasant to feel calm, agreeable, and understanding
. . .Recently, I undertook a MAJOR household project. Which, I admit, I did with about zero grace – but I did do it. My husband was well aware of my simmering resentment. Just before I was about to start the biggest part of it, he looked around and remarked, "Well, this doesn't look like it will be too tough." Wrong thing to say! Probably, he thought he was being comforting or encouraging. Instead, he enraged me. It would have been better to have acknowledged my feelings, by saying something like, "Wow, this looks like a huge job, it's great that you're going to do this."
(image from Ambro)
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